انّا للہ و انّا الیه راجعون

“Please give me a chance to live, I have not lived enough,” said a stranger.

A voice echoes in reply saying, “If I gave you one more chance, would you promise to repent and learn to love others around you, and keep me in your mind and in your heart always?”

I woke up from the strangest dream. I dreamt I died.

It took me days to stop thinking I was going to die tomorrow or the day after. It took me hours thinking how it would feel like to leave this earth and be with the one above who created me in the first place, and leave the people I truly love back home.

But I love you more. And I know you love us more, which is why you gave us time to love her, and cherish her, and take care of her on her last days on earth. You made sure we showered her with endless attention, endless prayers, endless faith, and endless hope that she may just recover.

I know you had this all planned out, and I know that this is your way of helping us repent, and believe that you are out there watching over us every single second of every day. I know that when you sent down angels to take her soul away, you wanted us all to be there to make sure she saw us all for the last time – the people who love her most on earth.

And so when she took her last breath and stopped breathing in our arms, she returned to you on a blessed day, and in a blessed month of Ramadhan. We knew then, that she was in a much better place. Though till today, this still feels like a dream.

Dear Nenek,

Taking care of you for the past few weeks when you were still around, will remind me every day that you were a huge chapter in my life, and always will be. And I’m sorry if I have wronged you in any way throughout your life since my existence in this world.

Thank you for loving me for 22 years of my life. Thank you for giving me the chance to learn from you, be with you and care for you. Thank you for being there when I needed a hug and a kiss on my rainy days. Thank you for being just a phone-call away when I needed you. Thank you for smiling and making my day. Thank you for wishing me happy birthday despite the pain you were in. Thank you for laughing with me. Thank you for loving me with your whole heart. Thank you for making sure I was safe. You made me whole.

A part of me died when you left us, but Allah loves you more.

And this unbearable pain in my heart, despite the days, weeks or months that will pass us by, will only remind me of one thing – that you lived, and that you played a part in every one of us. It’s been two weeks since you left us.

I love you. So much.

And I will miss you forever.

Love,
Your Grand Daughter